Guilty pleasures.

"Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!"

Monty Python's Flying Circus 1969-1974

Spam fritters.

We all have guilty pleasures. Monty Python seems to bring many of them to the fore. Men, and let's be honest it nearly is always men, of a certain age can quote great huge chunks of Python script verbatim.

Surely this has to be the guiltiest pleasure of them all. To be perfectly honest it was the batter that did it for me. Just writing this recipe I can feel my arteries furring up and my cholesterol level moving skywards.

Spam fritters one of those things that everyone professes not to like but secretly enjoys. A bit like putting a CD of 80’s power ballads in the car and then claiming they belong to your partner.

Whilst not confessing to a love of Bonnie Tyler, I would gladly shout from the rooftops that I love spam fritters. Strangely, plain cold and straight from the tin spam doesn’t do it for me, it has to have a crispy coat and be blisteringly hot before I entertain eating it.

Everything in moderation is fine so enjoy this culinary treat, just not too often! My apologies that this is not a recipe for Lobster thermidor aux crevettes, in the provencal manner, with shallots and aubergines, garnished with truffle pate, brandy a fried egg on top and spam, but the crevettes were off!

Mise en scene

1 can of Spam sliced into 1cm thick slices

100g plain flour

Pinch of salt

Ice cold sparkling mineral water

Flour for dusting

Oil for frying

It's all in the edit.

1. Place the spam tin into the refrigerator to chill for several hours before starting this recipe.
2. Remove the Spam from the tin and slice into 1cm thick portions. Place back into the fridge until needed.
3. Mix together the flour and sparkling mineral water until the batter is the thickness of double cream. If you don’t have sparkling mineral water add 1tsp of bicarbonate of soda to the flour instead. The secret to this batter is to use ice cold water.
4. Put the oil on to heat. You can shallow or deep fry depending on your bravery or your equipment.
5. Take the Spam out of the fridge and coat very lightly in flour. Remove any excess by patting the Spam gently. The flour will help the batter to stick. Dip the Spam into the batter and lay gently into the oil. The oil needs to be fairly hot or your batter will become soggy.
6. The fritters will take about two minutes on each side and about three or four minutes if you are deep frying. Remove from the oil when golden brown. DRAIN WELL.
7. Serve with mash and beans or peas. Ketchup is an optional accompaniment.
8. Sorry - "spam's off!"

Voiceover

If you really love Spam, visit Hawaii. It has become a national dish!

The stuff of nightmares.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - 1968

"ice cream, lollipops and all free today"

For once the stuff of nightmares referred to in the title isn't the mangling of an English accent by Dick van Dyke. After the Mary Poppins fiasco of 1964 he subsequently played any role thankfully in his native accent. No the terror I'm alluding to is one I can recall myself as a 4 year old girl in the Sutton ABC cinema. My Mum had quite rightly thought that in those days before DVD and Sky movies a trip to the pictures would be fun, this new children's movie would fit the bill perfectly. What she hadn't factored in was The Childcatcher!

For weeks after we went to the movie I didn't sleep, was afraid of anyone new and point blank refused to eat lollipops! A healthy distrust of strangers is a good thing but a fear of sweets, good grief, I'm glad I got over that one. You will be too . Diana Henry gave a recipe for lollipops in The Sunday Telegraph a while back and this is my slightly souped up version.

Mise en scene

Makes about 15 large lollies

100g frozen soft fruit (I used some of last years blackberries)

or 125 ml of any fruit juice

250g granulated sugar

2 tsp liquid glucose

edible glitter

lolly sticks and wrappers (I got mine from the local cake supply shop)

sugar thermometer

small but heavy based pan

parchment paper

It's all in the edit

• Sniff the air, there are children around you can smell them. better get some treats made!
• Place a sheet of the paper onto a work surface. Fill your sink with cold water.
• (if using just juice skip this stage) Put the frozen fruit into a pan and add 6 tbsp of water. Heat gently until the fruit releases it's juices. Pass through a sieve, pressing gently to extract as much juice and flavour as possible.
• You should have about 125 ml of juice. Place the juice in the heavy bottomed pan and add the sugar and liquid glucose. heat gently at first to dissolve the sugar and then more rapidly. Use the thermometer to monitor the temperature.
• Once the sugary mix reaches 147 (hard crack) put the base of the pan into the cold water to stop the cooking.
• Spoon 15 large dollops of the mix onto the parchment, allow to cool slightly, and then add a lolly stick and a sprinkle of glitter. You may need a little more mixture to cover the top of the lolly stick.
• Whilst waiting for the sweets to cool you could put on your best Halloween costume to scare your nearest and dearest, that way they won't want the sweets and you can have them all to yourselves!
• Wrap and enjoy.

Voiceover

If you don't want lollies this mixture makes boiled sweets too. Sadly I have yet to perfect the Caractacus Potts recipe for Toot sweets!

Get out the lederhosen.

It's true, I'm not like other grannies. I never did like the quilting bees and the bingo parlors. I'd rather live life to the EXTREME!

I don't know about you but if my Granny had been an extreme sports athlete she'd have needed very little help from me protecting her recipe book. Come to think of it despite the fact that neither of my Nans were in the slightest bit athletic if you'd met them then you'd realise that trying to steal from them would be futile. They'd have handbagged you to a pulp before lecturing you on the error of your ways. You might also have been subjected to "the look", more deadly than any heat seeking missile and always on target.

Sadly the characters in Hoodwinked are not as lucky. Someone is stealing all their goodies and the inhabitants of this fairytale land are getting hungry and fed up. When the thief turns from the sweet food to the savoury treats they know it's getting serious.

As the schnizel van is all out of these crispy snacks perhaps you'd like to make some of your own. Ideal for a trip out to the countryside in your best leather shorts!

Mise en scene

chicken breasts or mini chicken fillets.

1 egg beaten

seasoned flour (salt, pepper, paprika)

panko breadcrumbs

vegetable oil

bamboo BBQ sticks

cling film

rolling pin

It's all in the edit

• Check behind the doors to make sure you are not being watched and enlist a red hooded black-belt at karate to act as look out.
• If using large chicken breasts cut into 3 or 4 pieces lengthways. If using mini fillets these may need to be halved.
• Cover a chopping board with cling film. Lay the fillets onto the cling film and cover with a second layer. Batten out the fillets until about 1cm thick.
• Set up your breading station. Beaten egg in one bowl, seasoned flour in the next and finally breadcrumbs.
• Heat the oil to a medium high heat.
• Dip the chicken strips into egg, flour,egg and then breadcrumbs. Shake off any excess and then shallow fry the strips. Turn them over once the first side is a golden brown.
• Remove from the oil and drain on kitchen paper.
• Slide the schnitzel onto the sticks, get in your van and go!

Voiceover

This can be recreated with pork or veal but chicken was all I had in the fridge so I went with that!

Taxi!

"May 26th. Four o'clock p.m. I took Betsy to Charles Coffee Shop on Columbus Circle. I had black coffee and apple pie with a slice of melted yellow cheese. I think that was a good selection. Betsy had coffee and a fruit salad dish. She could have had anything she wanted."

Apple pie with a cheese crust

Taxi driver (1976)

“An apple pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze.” So the Yorkshire saying goes anyway. The content of the movie itself could make any discussion of kissing and squeezing a little difficult so I’m going to stick to the pie. Robert de Niro’s character doesn’t give us too many clues about this recipe. I could have created a pie with a cheese topping, with cream cheese as the wetting agent in the pastry or with cheese chunks mixed into the apple. If any of these appeal to you then please adapt this recipe accordingly. I could have completely opted out and just served the cheese on the side however I did know that Travis specifically said melted cheese. To make this more palatable I’ve added the cheese to the pastry.

Apple pies always benefit from a savoury pastry as this brings out the apply tartness. Adding the strong tangy cheese allows the sweetness to be enhanced even further. This is the one time I wouldn’t add any cinnamon to an apple pie although a few cloves would work if you wanted that additional edge. Serve these individual pies when they have just begun to cool. Cold single cream works the best as an accompaniment; custard and ice cream are better saved for other puddings.

“Are you talkin’ to me?” I very much doubt it; my mouth is far too full with this delicious apple pie for me to speak.

Mise en scene

Pastry

250g plain flour

125g butter or margarine

100g strong cheddar (finely grated)

Cold water

Apple filling

3 or 4 large bramley apples

Sugar

four hole large Yorkshire pudding tin

It's all in the edit

Pre heat oven to 200C Gas 6

1. Place flour and fat into a large bowl and rub in the fat until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Stir in the grated cheese. Using a round bladed knife stir in the cold water a little at a time until the mixture begins to come together. Use your hands to form a ball of pastry. Wrap the pastry in cling film and rest for half an hour or so in the fridge.

2. Roll out the pastry, line the Yorkshire pudding pans with pastry and bake blind for 15 minutes. Prick with a fork or fill with baking beans. Allow to cool.

3. Peel and core the apples. Cut into generous sized chunks and place in a saucepan with a splash of water, a knob of butter and sugar to taste.

4. Gently cook the apple until the edges of each piece just begins to soften. Don’t cook to a mush as the apple will continue to cook in the oven. Put the part cooked apple each part baked shell and top with a little more sugar if it tastes very sharp. Cut out circles of pastry and pop over the apple. Press to seal. Make a small slit in the pie crusts to let steam escape and bake for 20 to 30 minutes or until the pastry is golden brown and the apple is bubbling.

5. Serve with ice cold single cream.

6. Taxi!

Mayonnaise cake

As promised I did make the Blue Peter cake from the previous post. Put on your pinny, get out your mixing bowl and have a go. Here is the reason your mum wouldn't let you watch Magpie. They may have been far more attractive presenters but they couldn't make a cake like this.

In case you are interested we do have a Blue Peter badge in our house, and no it isn't mine!

Here's one I made earlier.

Yesterday I blogged that Blue Peter was responsible of the decline in home made pancakes. I thought today I'd better put the record straight and give a Blue Peter recipe that works and is a little unusual. The surprise ingredient is mayonnaise. I'd guess from the position of this recipe in my mum's recipe book that this is from the early 80's.

Guess what I'm making later. Anyone else have favourite Blue Peter recipes they want to share?

An expert tosser.

Blue Peter cakes and pancakes

Sadly the time has come. My girls are now far too old to watch Blue Peter. For those reading this outside the UK Blue Peter is a very long running children's T.V.magazine programme. A national treasure and part of growing up for many of the UK's population. This revelatory fact hadn't really hit home until Tuesday. Pancake day. I suddenly realised that for the past couple of years we haven't sat down together to watch a children's T.V. presenter ritually humiliate themselves on live television.

(watch from 2 mins for the pancakes)

I think Blue Peter may single-handedly be responsible for the sudden rise in the sales of pre-made pancakes and shake 'n' pour batter mixes.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/8366548/Shrove-Tuesday-the-rise-of-the-ready-made-pancake.html

Generations of children have grown up watching these very capable adults make complete idiots of themselves annually. They can kayak the length of the Amazon, wrangle a baby elephant and play grade 8 violin but these men and women cannot make a pancake.

Those poor people were never going to succeed. My Mum always said the first pancake was for the birds, and Blue Peter only had time for the presenter to mix, cook and toss once. The pan was never hot enough, the batter hadn't rested, the cameras were running and a pet was probably in danger of singeing itself on the hot plate.

Pancakes are very easy! They need no more than a squeeze of lemon and a sprinkle of sugar. Mind you a healthy dollop of Nutella isn't too shabby either. Perhaps in best Blue Peter style I ought to say fresh fruit also makes a most acceptable filling too.

Mise en scene

1 large egg,

125g plain flour

1/2 pint milk

pinch of salt

flavourless oil

large frying pan

toppings of your choice

It's all in the edit.

• Pin your Blue Peter badge firmly onto your chest, take a deep breath and "action".
• Sieve the flour into a large bowl and stir in the salt.
• Break the egg into the milk and whisk together.
• Whisking all the time add the milk and egg mixture into the flour. Keep whisking until well combined and the mixture is relatively lump free. Set to one side.
• Heat your frying pan to a medium high heat. Add a little oil, wipe with a paper towel to remove any excess and add a ladle of batter.
• Immediately swirl the pan to coat the whole of the pan with a thin layer of batter. Place over the heat and cook until the batter bubbles and crisps at the edges.
• Using a spatula flip the pancake over. Toss by all means but if you want to eat the pancakes it may be an idea to wash the kitchen floor before you start making the pancakes and then you will be able to apply the "5 second rule" without worrying!
• Cook on the other side for a few seconds until golden.
• Repeat until all batter is used up.
• If all else fails have a few of the ready made ones in the freezer and you can always lie and say, "Here's one I made earlier".

Voiceover

Lemon juice and sugar is the most usual and traditional pancake topping but why not try a savoury filling too?

OMG you are sooooooooo embarrassing!

“My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flashes.”

Hollandaise sauce

I’m constantly being accused of screwing up my children’s lives, mostly by my teenaged children I hasten to add and not from too many people in authority. I seem to spend my time deliberately causing them psychological harm by dressing oddly, laughing inappropriately or, and this is the worst sin of all singing and or dancing publically. Come to think of it my children have more rules about behaviour and public decency than the Taliban!

I suppose they ought to thank their lucky stars that they didn’t have a parent like Daniel Hilliard played by Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire. I shudder to think what the teenage rules are on a parent cross dressing in public. Not only that but affecting an accent in public doesn’t seem to endear you to the offspring either!

Euphegenia tries her best to be a 3* chef but seems only to be able to set fire to her prosthetic bosoms. Perhaps that should be a salutary lesson to us all that enhancing your assets via plastic surgery could get you more than you bargained for!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAp8j4c2LGs

(The embed feature for this scene has been disabled so just click the link to watch the clip - sorry)

Having failed to make a Hollandaise for the supper Mrs Doubtfire buys in the meal from a local restaurant. It cost a fortune so I’d try this for yourself; it is easy if you follow the instructions carefully! Keep away from naked flames if any prosthetics are involved.

Cast and crew

2 egg yolks

1 tsp lemon juice plus a little squeeze more

100g melted butter (cooled)

White pepper and salt to taste.

Mise en scene

· Take a deep breath and do this slowly and carefully. Put a pinny on and tuck in any bits of you that may be flammable.

· Poach an egg or steam some asparagus ready for this unctuous sauce.

· Melt the butter in a saucepan and leave to cool.

· In a separate pan bring an inch of water to a shiver. The water needs to stay just below boiling point, where the surface of the water moves but doesn’t bubble.

· Place a heatproof bowl over the sauce pan containing the hot water. Place the lemon juice into the bowl along with the two egg yolks and whisk until the mixture begins to thicken.

· Add in the butter a little at a time. If you can persuade a minion to pour the butter in in a thin stream that is good. Whisk all the time.

· The sauce should be a little thinner than mayonnaise. Remember you need to pour it over the eggs or asparagus -or even both.

· Season to taste with salt, pepper and a further squeeze of lemon if you’d like it. Under no circumstances should this have the faint tang of burnt rubber.

· If you do have a disaster get a take out, but get the restaurant to tell you the cost before the delivery boy turns up with the meal.

Voiceover

If you have made a hollandaise then have a go at a béarnaise sauce. Replace the lemon with a vinegar and shallot reduction and season with tarragon and chervil. You can serve this with grilled meats or just dunk chunky chips in it!

Royal Marshmallows

"Your greatest test... is yet to come!"

Actually that's a lie. Stanley Baldwin was right to tell the King he was in for a rough ride but on the marshmallows front .... don't worry they are a doddle! Helena Bonham Carter loves them. When asked if she'd had her costumes "bulked out" to play HRH The Queen she replied, "I didn't have to go on the actresses' diet of eating nothing. I was eating a lot of marshmallows on film."

I wouldn't suggest you eat all of these sugary pillows yourself as you are more likely to resemble the Stay Puffed marshmallow man than a member of the British royal family but do make a batch of them in preparation for watching the Oscars with friends and family.

Cast and crew.

4 tbsp cornflour

4 tbsp icing sugar

400g granulated sugar

1 tbsp liquid glucose

6 fl oz water

4 fl oz water

2 sachets powdered gelatine

2 large egg whites

1 tsp flavourless oil

boiled water in a kettle

gratin dish and sugar thermometer

Mise en scene.

• Oil a large gratin dish, mine's 6" by 12" and fill with the icing sugar and cornflour mix. Set to one side.
• Place the sugar, liquid glucose and 6 fl oz of water into a large heavy bottomed pan and slowly bring to the boil. Place the thermometer into the syrup and heat until it reaches 128c (hard ball stage). This will take several minutes.
• Whilst the syrup is heating take a tea cup and pour in the 4 fl oz of water. Sprinkle over the gelatine and allow to swell up (also known as sponging!) Pop the teacup into a deep bowl, pour the boiled water from the kettle around (not in!!!) the teacup and leave to sit until the gelatine has returned to a liquid state.You can give it a stir if you need to.
• Check the syrup, when it reaches the correct temperature take off the heat and allow to cool slightly. Whisk in the liquid gelatine mixture a little at a time - it will foam up as you do this so take care - and pop to one side to cool a little. Don't leave it too long or the gelatine will start to set!
• Whisk the egg whites to a soft peak and then continue whisking but add in the syrup slowly a little at a time. Continue to whisk until the whole of the syrup mixture has been added. Whisk on until the whole confection is stiff and thick. You need a pour-able mixture that leaves a thick ribbon like trail.
• Scrape into the foam into the prepared dish. Set aside to cool before cutting. Overnight is good. Cut into squares and toss in the icing sugar/cornflour mixture still in the dish.
• Sit on a throne like chair and indulge.

Voiceover

You can colour and flavour these marshmallows at the whisking stage. Pale pink and rosewater might make some delicate regal sweetmeats. Rolled in coconut or chocolate coated could be fun too.

News on the marshmallow front.

You may or may not realise that in my real life I am a primary school teacher. On Monday my school got "the phone call". OFSTED are coming. Tomorrow in fact, so please bear with me I will post on these King's speech marshmallows as soon as possible. Here is photo just to tease you. They are the most magnificent of beasts. Just the thing to raise your spirits after a hard day a work.

Pass the popcorn.

Scream 1966

Phone Voice: I only eat popcorn at the movies.

Casey: Well, I'm getting ready to watch a video.

Phone Voice: Really, what?

Casey: Oh, just some scary movie."

I realise salted caramels, chili chocolate and vanilla mayonnaise are all flavours du jour but I think I have always been ahead of the game in that respect. Ever since I became savvy enough to notice that all the other kids at the pictures had a bag of popcorn and a fizzy drink instead of a bag of Woolworth's pic 'n' mix and a panda pop I have loved popcorn. Never one to make a decision easily I asked for a scoop of both sweet and salty into my bag of popcorn. Serendipity lent a hand and the combination of sweet and salty meant that the bottom of the box was reached pretty quickly.

Now with children of my own, and a reluctance to pay £7 for a box of hot air I resolved to find a solution.

A leftover bag of marshmallows from my previous dalliance with s'mores and a mention of the movie Scream solved the problem. I have made popcorn in a pan, in an air popper and with the help of a microwave. Never have I found in the UK the popcorn Drew Barrymore very successfully cremates in Scream.

Next time I travel to The USA I'm putting some in my luggage, along with Goober, Reece's Pieces, toll-house peanut butter chips and plenty more - but that's another blog post entirely. Mind you remembering what happens to her soon after the popcorn gets it perhaps I'll leave it on the shelf in the supermarket and buy an intruder alarm from Wallmart instead!

If you do insist on watching a scary movie then these salty and sweet popcorn balls should hit the spot.

Mise en scene

1 pack microwave butter popcorn

15 marshmallows

knob of butter

parchment paper

It's all in the edit

• Lay out a sheet of parchment on your work surface.
• Cook the popcorn according to the manufacturers instructions. Open the pack and allow to cool slightly.
• In a double boiler or in a bowl over a pan of simmering water melt the marshmallows.
• When completely melted, tip the popped corn into the marshmallow slurry and mix well to combine.
• Liberally smear your hands with butter. (I think I ought to send Nigella this recipe, can you imagine the resulting TV viewing figures!)
• Take a cricket or base ball sized lump of corn and fashion it into a sphere.
• Place on baking parchment and repeat with the rest of the mixture. (makes 10 balls approx)
• Take to the cinema and save yourself at least £7!

Voiceover

This is ideal for eating during a scary movie because if you do happen to scare yourself s**tless and jump in the air at the slightest noise at least the popcorn won't go all over the floor.

s'mores pie

I have adapted this pie from my version of the Chocolate and Strawberry pie featured in the 2007 movie Waitress. That recipe can be found in my book Movie Dinners. We have the beers in the fridge, a 1.1kg bag of tortilla chips (don't ask!) and the Superbowl is on later. Short of getting on a plane this is as close to the US as I'm going

to get for a while.

Mise en scene

Pie crust

graham crackers or

digestives, crushed

125g salted butter, melted

1 tbsp golden syrup

Chocolate pie filling

400g dark chocolate

300ml double cream

100ml milk

3 tsp coffee granules (expresso is best)

2 eggs separated

meringue topping

50g caster sugar

2 egg whites

1 tbsp cornflour

It’s all in the edit….

Pre heat oven to 175C Gas 3 and light a camp fire if you have one.

1. Place the biscuits into a roomy bowl. Using the end of a rolling pin crush the biscuits until they resemble fine breadcrumbs.

2. Melt the butter in a pan with thegolden syrup. Pour this delicious liquid over the biscuit crumbs and mix well.

3. Tumble this mixture into a foil lined medium sized loose bottomed flan ring. Press down well either with your fingers or the back of a metal spoon. Refrigerate whilst you make the pie filling.

4. Place the cream, milk, coffee granules and chocolate in a bowl. Set this bowl over a barely simmering pan of water. As the cream heats stir gently until the chocolate has melted and the mixture has taken on a uniform colour. Leave to cool just slightly. Separate your eggs and put aside your whites for later.

5. Beat your egg yolks in a separate bowl. Add several tablespoons of the warm chocolate cream mixture to the eggs, whisking well as you do. Return this egg chocolate concoction to the chocolate cream and combine well. The cream may thicken slightly as you do this, it’s OK!

6. Take your biscuit base from the fridge. Fill this with your chocolate custard and bake in the oven for between 18 and 25 minutes. The pie is done when the custard is mostly set and only the middle wobbles when shaken, please don’t smirk as you read that it’s unbecoming. Leave to cool as you make the meringue topping.

Turn the oven up to 240c

7. Whisk your egg whites until stiff peaks. Whisk in the sugar and the cornflour a tablespoon at a time. The cornflour keeps the meringue chewy and gives it a more marshmallow like texture. Tip over the chocolate use a knife to pull the meringue into peaks and bake in the oven for five minutes.

8. Cool and serve either cold or at room temperature. Sitting round a campfire would be a fun way to enjoy this too.

Voice over

If you want to you could add vanilla extract to the custard when you melt the chocolate.Spiced chocolates would work well here too, especially those containing oranges and chilli.

Touchdown! Plaaaaayyyyy Baaallll!

The sandlot 1993

“You're killing me Smalls! These are s'more's stuff! Alrite now pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good!”

S’mores

Let’s get one thing straight. Football is played with a round ball. The only protections the players have are a pair of shin pads and if you happen to support the opposition a biased referee. Crystal Palace fans like me know only too well how fickle the game of football can be. Once and only once have we reached the heady heights of cup final glory, only for our hopes to be dashed and our dreams to be crushed by Manchester United.

So I can fully understand that this weekend brings a similar feeling of sick excitement to the fans of the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers as they gear up for Super Bowl XLV.

Much as I enjoy any live sport in the UK I can say hand on heart that in the USA they know how to feed a crowd. From the tailgate parties in the car park prior to a game, outdoor sports bars on vacant lots near grounds and, a personal favourite of my younger teen, sno cones in the arena it is bigger and better in America. Supporters of the Washington Nationals don’t have to play intestinal roulette with a dodgy pie or get third degree burns from a plastic cup of Bovril. No, they can eat authentic barbecue ribs and wash it down with beer, proper local brewed beer, as they watch the game.

I have watched American football games and had great fun but last year I fell in love with baseball. I had really never understood the game but sitting in the stadium in Washington on a warm balmy night in late July I finally got it.

Having previously been excluded from understanding baseball movies I now have a better tolerance of the genre. The sandlot is a seriously funny family movie. As a foodie the scene that made me sit up was when Ham explains to Smalls exactly how to make a S’more. What better food to eat then should you decide to watch the Super bowl on Sunday evening (even if only to keep an eye out for a possible wardrobe malfunction).

Mise en scene

Graham crackers (you can’t source these in the UK and they seem to have no exact equivalent. Your choice seems to be either getting someone to bring a pack back from the US or using rich tea fingers instead!)

Chocolate bars (thin ones are best – little Dairy milk bars or Nestle Animal bars are a good size)

Large marsh mallows

Camp fire, barbecue or if all else fails gas ring

It’s all in the edit.

· All right now pay attention.

· First you take the graham.

· You stick the chocolate on the graham.

· Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate

· Then cover with the other end. (trans. Put another biscuit on top.)

· Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good!”

Voiceover

For fans of the very British game of Cricket The Sandlot has the most magnificent example of sledging anywhere!

The last brownie

Notting Hill

"Just going to the kitchen to get some food, then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins."

Chocolate brownies

It was so wrong on so many levels but the character from Notting Hill that I really wanted to spend an evening with was Spike. I know, I know, those underpants, but I am certain the banter would have been so good. Does that qualify me for the last brownie? You remember the scene. The last brownie is offered by Tim McInnery for the dinner party guest that can prove they are the saddest act at the table. I'm not going to suggest you do this at your next soiree, although it is probably preferable to drunken arm wrestling or even worse a Dad dance off on Wii Just Dance. I'd suggest you make twice as many as you think you might need and then seconds can be had all round - unless of course competitive soul searching is your cabaret of choice.

Mise en scene

50g dark chocolate

110g unsalted butter

135g caster sugar

1tsp vanilla extract

2 eggs

50g self raising flour

1 heaped tablespoon cocoa

pinch salt

50g chocolate chips (peanut butter chips are good too)

2 small bars caramel filled chocolate - chopped (you could use 2 rolls of Rolos)

1 6" x 10" tin lined with baking parchment

It's all in the edit

• Preheat the oven to 190C
• Remove any greying underpants from the kitchen and their wearers if you need to.
• Melt the butter in a pan and add in the dark chocolate. Allow to melt together slowly. Take the pan from the heat so that the chocolate doesn't seize.
• Give the butter and chocolate a good stir and add in the sugar and vanilla and combine well.
• Add in the eggs one by one and beat well.
• Change spoons to a metal spoon. Tip the flour, cocoa, chopped chocolate and any chocolate chips in the bowl. Add in the salt.
• Fold in gently, be careful not to overwork the mixture.
• Scrape into the tin and bake for 25 minutes.
• This is the hard bit but you must leave the brownie to rest for about 10 minutes.
• Find a world famous actress, ask her to dinner and subject her to soul searching questions and express surprise when she bares her soul to complete strangers.

Voiceover

Serve with very good vanilla ice cream, thick double cream or my personal favourite creme fraiche. That is very Delia I know but the tang of the soured cream cuts the tooth aching sweetness of the brownie. Yes, I know yoghurt would do a similar thing but yoghurt is far too healthy to spoon over brownies!