The stuff of nightmares.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - 1968

"ice cream, lollipops and all free today"

For once the stuff of nightmares referred to in the title isn't the mangling of an English accent by Dick van Dyke. After the Mary Poppins fiasco of 1964 he subsequently played any role thankfully in his native accent. No the terror I'm alluding to is one I can recall myself as a 4 year old girl in the Sutton ABC cinema. My Mum had quite rightly thought that in those days before DVD and Sky movies a trip to the pictures would be fun, this new children's movie would fit the bill perfectly. What she hadn't factored in was The Childcatcher!

For weeks after we went to the movie I didn't sleep, was afraid of anyone new and point blank refused to eat lollipops! A healthy distrust of strangers is a good thing but a fear of sweets, good grief, I'm glad I got over that one. You will be too . Diana Henry gave a recipe for lollipops in The Sunday Telegraph a while back and this is my slightly souped up version.

Mise en scene

Makes about 15 large lollies

100g frozen soft fruit (I used some of last years blackberries)

or 125 ml of any fruit juice

250g granulated sugar

2 tsp liquid glucose

edible glitter

lolly sticks and wrappers (I got mine from the local cake supply shop)

sugar thermometer

small but heavy based pan

parchment paper

It's all in the edit

• Sniff the air, there are children around you can smell them. better get some treats made!
• Place a sheet of the paper onto a work surface. Fill your sink with cold water.
• (if using just juice skip this stage) Put the frozen fruit into a pan and add 6 tbsp of water. Heat gently until the fruit releases it's juices. Pass through a sieve, pressing gently to extract as much juice and flavour as possible.
• You should have about 125 ml of juice. Place the juice in the heavy bottomed pan and add the sugar and liquid glucose. heat gently at first to dissolve the sugar and then more rapidly. Use the thermometer to monitor the temperature.
• Once the sugary mix reaches 147 (hard crack) put the base of the pan into the cold water to stop the cooking.
• Spoon 15 large dollops of the mix onto the parchment, allow to cool slightly, and then add a lolly stick and a sprinkle of glitter. You may need a little more mixture to cover the top of the lolly stick.
• Whilst waiting for the sweets to cool you could put on your best Halloween costume to scare your nearest and dearest, that way they won't want the sweets and you can have them all to yourselves!
• Wrap and enjoy.

Voiceover

If you don't want lollies this mixture makes boiled sweets too. Sadly I have yet to perfect the Caractacus Potts recipe for Toot sweets!

Get out the lederhosen.

It's true, I'm not like other grannies. I never did like the quilting bees and the bingo parlors. I'd rather live life to the EXTREME!

I don't know about you but if my Granny had been an extreme sports athlete she'd have needed very little help from me protecting her recipe book. Come to think of it despite the fact that neither of my Nans were in the slightest bit athletic if you'd met them then you'd realise that trying to steal from them would be futile. They'd have handbagged you to a pulp before lecturing you on the error of your ways. You might also have been subjected to "the look", more deadly than any heat seeking missile and always on target.

Sadly the characters in Hoodwinked are not as lucky. Someone is stealing all their goodies and the inhabitants of this fairytale land are getting hungry and fed up. When the thief turns from the sweet food to the savoury treats they know it's getting serious.

As the schnizel van is all out of these crispy snacks perhaps you'd like to make some of your own. Ideal for a trip out to the countryside in your best leather shorts!

Mise en scene

chicken breasts or mini chicken fillets.

1 egg beaten

seasoned flour (salt, pepper, paprika)

panko breadcrumbs

vegetable oil

bamboo BBQ sticks

cling film

rolling pin

It's all in the edit

• Check behind the doors to make sure you are not being watched and enlist a red hooded black-belt at karate to act as look out.
• If using large chicken breasts cut into 3 or 4 pieces lengthways. If using mini fillets these may need to be halved.
• Cover a chopping board with cling film. Lay the fillets onto the cling film and cover with a second layer. Batten out the fillets until about 1cm thick.
• Set up your breading station. Beaten egg in one bowl, seasoned flour in the next and finally breadcrumbs.
• Heat the oil to a medium high heat.
• Dip the chicken strips into egg, flour,egg and then breadcrumbs. Shake off any excess and then shallow fry the strips. Turn them over once the first side is a golden brown.
• Remove from the oil and drain on kitchen paper.
• Slide the schnitzel onto the sticks, get in your van and go!

Voiceover

This can be recreated with pork or veal but chicken was all I had in the fridge so I went with that!