Royal Marshmallows

"Your greatest test... is yet to come!"

Actually that's a lie. Stanley Baldwin was right to tell the King he was in for a rough ride but on the marshmallows front .... don't worry they are a doddle! Helena Bonham Carter loves them. When asked if she'd had her costumes "bulked out" to play HRH The Queen she replied, "I didn't have to go on the actresses' diet of eating nothing. I was eating a lot of marshmallows on film."

I wouldn't suggest you eat all of these sugary pillows yourself as you are more likely to resemble the Stay Puffed marshmallow man than a member of the British royal family but do make a batch of them in preparation for watching the Oscars with friends and family.

Cast and crew.

4 tbsp cornflour

4 tbsp icing sugar

400g granulated sugar

1 tbsp liquid glucose

6 fl oz water

4 fl oz water

2 sachets powdered gelatine

2 large egg whites

1 tsp flavourless oil

boiled water in a kettle

gratin dish and sugar thermometer

Mise en scene.

• Oil a large gratin dish, mine's 6" by 12" and fill with the icing sugar and cornflour mix. Set to one side.
• Place the sugar, liquid glucose and 6 fl oz of water into a large heavy bottomed pan and slowly bring to the boil. Place the thermometer into the syrup and heat until it reaches 128c (hard ball stage). This will take several minutes.
• Whilst the syrup is heating take a tea cup and pour in the 4 fl oz of water. Sprinkle over the gelatine and allow to swell up (also known as sponging!) Pop the teacup into a deep bowl, pour the boiled water from the kettle around (not in!!!) the teacup and leave to sit until the gelatine has returned to a liquid state.You can give it a stir if you need to.
• Check the syrup, when it reaches the correct temperature take off the heat and allow to cool slightly. Whisk in the liquid gelatine mixture a little at a time - it will foam up as you do this so take care - and pop to one side to cool a little. Don't leave it too long or the gelatine will start to set!
• Whisk the egg whites to a soft peak and then continue whisking but add in the syrup slowly a little at a time. Continue to whisk until the whole of the syrup mixture has been added. Whisk on until the whole confection is stiff and thick. You need a pour-able mixture that leaves a thick ribbon like trail.
• Scrape into the foam into the prepared dish. Set aside to cool before cutting. Overnight is good. Cut into squares and toss in the icing sugar/cornflour mixture still in the dish.
• Sit on a throne like chair and indulge.

Voiceover

You can colour and flavour these marshmallows at the whisking stage. Pale pink and rosewater might make some delicate regal sweetmeats. Rolled in coconut or chocolate coated could be fun too.

News on the marshmallow front.

You may or may not realise that in my real life I am a primary school teacher. On Monday my school got "the phone call". OFSTED are coming. Tomorrow in fact, so please bear with me I will post on these King's speech marshmallows as soon as possible. Here is photo just to tease you. They are the most magnificent of beasts. Just the thing to raise your spirits after a hard day a work.

Pass the popcorn.

Scream 1966

Phone Voice: I only eat popcorn at the movies.

Casey: Well, I'm getting ready to watch a video.

Phone Voice: Really, what?

Casey: Oh, just some scary movie."

I realise salted caramels, chili chocolate and vanilla mayonnaise are all flavours du jour but I think I have always been ahead of the game in that respect. Ever since I became savvy enough to notice that all the other kids at the pictures had a bag of popcorn and a fizzy drink instead of a bag of Woolworth's pic 'n' mix and a panda pop I have loved popcorn. Never one to make a decision easily I asked for a scoop of both sweet and salty into my bag of popcorn. Serendipity lent a hand and the combination of sweet and salty meant that the bottom of the box was reached pretty quickly.

Now with children of my own, and a reluctance to pay £7 for a box of hot air I resolved to find a solution.

A leftover bag of marshmallows from my previous dalliance with s'mores and a mention of the movie Scream solved the problem. I have made popcorn in a pan, in an air popper and with the help of a microwave. Never have I found in the UK the popcorn Drew Barrymore very successfully cremates in Scream.

Next time I travel to The USA I'm putting some in my luggage, along with Goober, Reece's Pieces, toll-house peanut butter chips and plenty more - but that's another blog post entirely. Mind you remembering what happens to her soon after the popcorn gets it perhaps I'll leave it on the shelf in the supermarket and buy an intruder alarm from Wallmart instead!

If you do insist on watching a scary movie then these salty and sweet popcorn balls should hit the spot.

Mise en scene

1 pack microwave butter popcorn

15 marshmallows

knob of butter

parchment paper

It's all in the edit

• Lay out a sheet of parchment on your work surface.
• Cook the popcorn according to the manufacturers instructions. Open the pack and allow to cool slightly.
• In a double boiler or in a bowl over a pan of simmering water melt the marshmallows.
• When completely melted, tip the popped corn into the marshmallow slurry and mix well to combine.
• Liberally smear your hands with butter. (I think I ought to send Nigella this recipe, can you imagine the resulting TV viewing figures!)
• Take a cricket or base ball sized lump of corn and fashion it into a sphere.
• Place on baking parchment and repeat with the rest of the mixture. (makes 10 balls approx)
• Take to the cinema and save yourself at least £7!

Voiceover

This is ideal for eating during a scary movie because if you do happen to scare yourself s**tless and jump in the air at the slightest noise at least the popcorn won't go all over the floor.

s'mores pie

I have adapted this pie from my version of the Chocolate and Strawberry pie featured in the 2007 movie Waitress. That recipe can be found in my book Movie Dinners. We have the beers in the fridge, a 1.1kg bag of tortilla chips (don't ask!) and the Superbowl is on later. Short of getting on a plane this is as close to the US as I'm going

to get for a while.

Mise en scene

Pie crust

graham crackers or

digestives, crushed

125g salted butter, melted

1 tbsp golden syrup

Chocolate pie filling

400g dark chocolate

300ml double cream

100ml milk

3 tsp coffee granules (expresso is best)

2 eggs separated

meringue topping

50g caster sugar

2 egg whites

1 tbsp cornflour

It’s all in the edit….

Pre heat oven to 175C Gas 3 and light a camp fire if you have one.

1. Place the biscuits into a roomy bowl. Using the end of a rolling pin crush the biscuits until they resemble fine breadcrumbs.

2. Melt the butter in a pan with thegolden syrup. Pour this delicious liquid over the biscuit crumbs and mix well.

3. Tumble this mixture into a foil lined medium sized loose bottomed flan ring. Press down well either with your fingers or the back of a metal spoon. Refrigerate whilst you make the pie filling.

4. Place the cream, milk, coffee granules and chocolate in a bowl. Set this bowl over a barely simmering pan of water. As the cream heats stir gently until the chocolate has melted and the mixture has taken on a uniform colour. Leave to cool just slightly. Separate your eggs and put aside your whites for later.

5. Beat your egg yolks in a separate bowl. Add several tablespoons of the warm chocolate cream mixture to the eggs, whisking well as you do. Return this egg chocolate concoction to the chocolate cream and combine well. The cream may thicken slightly as you do this, it’s OK!

6. Take your biscuit base from the fridge. Fill this with your chocolate custard and bake in the oven for between 18 and 25 minutes. The pie is done when the custard is mostly set and only the middle wobbles when shaken, please don’t smirk as you read that it’s unbecoming. Leave to cool as you make the meringue topping.

Turn the oven up to 240c

7. Whisk your egg whites until stiff peaks. Whisk in the sugar and the cornflour a tablespoon at a time. The cornflour keeps the meringue chewy and gives it a more marshmallow like texture. Tip over the chocolate use a knife to pull the meringue into peaks and bake in the oven for five minutes.

8. Cool and serve either cold or at room temperature. Sitting round a campfire would be a fun way to enjoy this too.

Voice over

If you want to you could add vanilla extract to the custard when you melt the chocolate.Spiced chocolates would work well here too, especially those containing oranges and chilli.

Touchdown! Plaaaaayyyyy Baaallll!

The sandlot 1993

“You're killing me Smalls! These are s'more's stuff! Alrite now pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good!”

S’mores

Let’s get one thing straight. Football is played with a round ball. The only protections the players have are a pair of shin pads and if you happen to support the opposition a biased referee. Crystal Palace fans like me know only too well how fickle the game of football can be. Once and only once have we reached the heady heights of cup final glory, only for our hopes to be dashed and our dreams to be crushed by Manchester United.

So I can fully understand that this weekend brings a similar feeling of sick excitement to the fans of the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers as they gear up for Super Bowl XLV.

Much as I enjoy any live sport in the UK I can say hand on heart that in the USA they know how to feed a crowd. From the tailgate parties in the car park prior to a game, outdoor sports bars on vacant lots near grounds and, a personal favourite of my younger teen, sno cones in the arena it is bigger and better in America. Supporters of the Washington Nationals don’t have to play intestinal roulette with a dodgy pie or get third degree burns from a plastic cup of Bovril. No, they can eat authentic barbecue ribs and wash it down with beer, proper local brewed beer, as they watch the game.

I have watched American football games and had great fun but last year I fell in love with baseball. I had really never understood the game but sitting in the stadium in Washington on a warm balmy night in late July I finally got it.

Having previously been excluded from understanding baseball movies I now have a better tolerance of the genre. The sandlot is a seriously funny family movie. As a foodie the scene that made me sit up was when Ham explains to Smalls exactly how to make a S’more. What better food to eat then should you decide to watch the Super bowl on Sunday evening (even if only to keep an eye out for a possible wardrobe malfunction).

Mise en scene

Graham crackers (you can’t source these in the UK and they seem to have no exact equivalent. Your choice seems to be either getting someone to bring a pack back from the US or using rich tea fingers instead!)

Chocolate bars (thin ones are best – little Dairy milk bars or Nestle Animal bars are a good size)

Large marsh mallows

Camp fire, barbecue or if all else fails gas ring

It’s all in the edit.

· All right now pay attention.

· First you take the graham.

· You stick the chocolate on the graham.

· Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate

· Then cover with the other end. (trans. Put another biscuit on top.)

· Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good!”

Voiceover

For fans of the very British game of Cricket The Sandlot has the most magnificent example of sledging anywhere!

The last brownie

Notting Hill

"Just going to the kitchen to get some food, then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins."

Chocolate brownies

It was so wrong on so many levels but the character from Notting Hill that I really wanted to spend an evening with was Spike. I know, I know, those underpants, but I am certain the banter would have been so good. Does that qualify me for the last brownie? You remember the scene. The last brownie is offered by Tim McInnery for the dinner party guest that can prove they are the saddest act at the table. I'm not going to suggest you do this at your next soiree, although it is probably preferable to drunken arm wrestling or even worse a Dad dance off on Wii Just Dance. I'd suggest you make twice as many as you think you might need and then seconds can be had all round - unless of course competitive soul searching is your cabaret of choice.

Mise en scene

50g dark chocolate

110g unsalted butter

135g caster sugar

1tsp vanilla extract

2 eggs

50g self raising flour

1 heaped tablespoon cocoa

pinch salt

50g chocolate chips (peanut butter chips are good too)

2 small bars caramel filled chocolate - chopped (you could use 2 rolls of Rolos)

1 6" x 10" tin lined with baking parchment

It's all in the edit

• Preheat the oven to 190C
• Remove any greying underpants from the kitchen and their wearers if you need to.
• Melt the butter in a pan and add in the dark chocolate. Allow to melt together slowly. Take the pan from the heat so that the chocolate doesn't seize.
• Give the butter and chocolate a good stir and add in the sugar and vanilla and combine well.
• Add in the eggs one by one and beat well.
• Change spoons to a metal spoon. Tip the flour, cocoa, chopped chocolate and any chocolate chips in the bowl. Add in the salt.
• Fold in gently, be careful not to overwork the mixture.
• Scrape into the tin and bake for 25 minutes.
• This is the hard bit but you must leave the brownie to rest for about 10 minutes.
• Find a world famous actress, ask her to dinner and subject her to soul searching questions and express surprise when she bares her soul to complete strangers.

Voiceover

Serve with very good vanilla ice cream, thick double cream or my personal favourite creme fraiche. That is very Delia I know but the tang of the soured cream cuts the tooth aching sweetness of the brownie. Yes, I know yoghurt would do a similar thing but yoghurt is far too healthy to spoon over brownies!

I'm a Celebrity with Ant and Dec!

I'm a celebrity get me out of here (2002 - present)

Crocodile legs

Both Ant and Dec and "I'm a Celebrity" won at yesterday's National Television Awards. Try this meal in tribute!

"Please eat for me Colin, I’m starving!" Justin begged, live from the Bush Telegraph. "Eat chocolate, candy, chicken sandwiches and chips, potatoes, bread. Eat everything, and when you do it, eat by proxy so I can get it too!"

Along with doctor, lawyer and teacher being famous is now a career choice. It appears you don't have to really have more than a modicum of talent to be a success, you just need a bit of media exposure. Where then is your less than average Z lister going to get this? Why the answer is simple, maroon him or her in the Australian jungle for a week or two, cover them in insects, ritually humiliate them and feed them on nefarious animals private parts.

Dressing everyone in khaki is canny way to humiliate the fashion conscious too. Rebelling against the routines and trials is everything. Investing in a really well made and possibly very revealing item of swimwear for the shower seems to raise the profile of the wearer significantly.

For those crowned King or Queen of the jungle A (well ok B or C ) list status and tabloid notoriety seems guaranteed for weeks to come. The sad unfortunates who are voted out in the first two rounds or so just get a fortnights paid holiday in a luxury resort in Australia whilst they wait for the show to come to its climax. Their profile is raised enough that they probably don't have to spell out their surname when they ring to book a table at The Ivy. I know who the clever ones are!

They also got to eat far less of the Bush Tucker. Crocodile is about the only food from the show that you would choose to eat. Have a try.

Mise en scene

100g crocodile meat per person

1 lemon zested and juices

1 lime zested and juiced

1 chilli deseeded and chopped

1 tbsp honey

2 tbsp flavourless oil

salt

pepper

Its all in the edit….

· Undertake a bush tucker trial to gain your stars and more importantly your food. Poke about the box and hope to goodness the food inside is something you recognise and which could be palatable.

· If the crocodile legs still have their skin and toes attached hope to goodness that you have a chef or at least a sharp knife in the jungle with you.

· Cut the meat into 1" cubes. Combine all the remaining ingredients together in a non metallic bowl. Tumble in the crocodile meat and mix well to ensure that each cube has a coating of the marinade.

· Leave to rest in the marinade for 30 minutes. During this time send a fellow captive to collect long thin sticks to be used as kebab skewers. Whittle one end to a sharp point. If you are at home scrabble around in the kitchen drawer to find the bamboo skewers you know you had in there last summer. Soak these skewers in water.

· After marinating thread the crocodile onto the skewers and place over a barbecue until just coloured. Crocodile should be cooked until medium rare only. Leave to rest for as long as your hunger allows and then devour. Thank your lucky starts they didn't give you anything really nasty. Go to bed and dream of escape or at least being voted out.

Voiceover

I know it's an old cliché but crocodile is similar in many respects to chicken. Keep it moist when cooking it and add flavours before you cook as it will readily accept this.