OMG you are sooooooooo embarrassing!

“My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flashes.”

Hollandaise sauce

I’m constantly being accused of screwing up my children’s lives, mostly by my teenaged children I hasten to add and not from too many people in authority. I seem to spend my time deliberately causing them psychological harm by dressing oddly, laughing inappropriately or, and this is the worst sin of all singing and or dancing publically. Come to think of it my children have more rules about behaviour and public decency than the Taliban!

I suppose they ought to thank their lucky stars that they didn’t have a parent like Daniel Hilliard played by Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire. I shudder to think what the teenage rules are on a parent cross dressing in public. Not only that but affecting an accent in public doesn’t seem to endear you to the offspring either!

Euphegenia tries her best to be a 3* chef but seems only to be able to set fire to her prosthetic bosoms. Perhaps that should be a salutary lesson to us all that enhancing your assets via plastic surgery could get you more than you bargained for!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAp8j4c2LGs

(The embed feature for this scene has been disabled so just click the link to watch the clip - sorry)

Having failed to make a Hollandaise for the supper Mrs Doubtfire buys in the meal from a local restaurant. It cost a fortune so I’d try this for yourself; it is easy if you follow the instructions carefully! Keep away from naked flames if any prosthetics are involved.

Cast and crew

2 egg yolks

1 tsp lemon juice plus a little squeeze more

100g melted butter (cooled)

White pepper and salt to taste.

Mise en scene

· Take a deep breath and do this slowly and carefully. Put a pinny on and tuck in any bits of you that may be flammable.

· Poach an egg or steam some asparagus ready for this unctuous sauce.

· Melt the butter in a saucepan and leave to cool.

· In a separate pan bring an inch of water to a shiver. The water needs to stay just below boiling point, where the surface of the water moves but doesn’t bubble.

· Place a heatproof bowl over the sauce pan containing the hot water. Place the lemon juice into the bowl along with the two egg yolks and whisk until the mixture begins to thicken.

· Add in the butter a little at a time. If you can persuade a minion to pour the butter in in a thin stream that is good. Whisk all the time.

· The sauce should be a little thinner than mayonnaise. Remember you need to pour it over the eggs or asparagus -or even both.

· Season to taste with salt, pepper and a further squeeze of lemon if you’d like it. Under no circumstances should this have the faint tang of burnt rubber.

· If you do have a disaster get a take out, but get the restaurant to tell you the cost before the delivery boy turns up with the meal.

Voiceover

If you have made a hollandaise then have a go at a béarnaise sauce. Replace the lemon with a vinegar and shallot reduction and season with tarragon and chervil. You can serve this with grilled meats or just dunk chunky chips in it!